Ah some days I feel like Mother dust, wise and creaky like a rocking chair. Most time I feel spritely and wide eyed bursting with ideas and visions. In years I am a mere child when I see how long one can live… rumour has it a great great elder of mine lived to almost 200. Of course know one can really say for sure…..
Still so far in my few years I have had a really intersting life and every day it gets more and more so. My love for music has taken me to amazing places, taught me wonderful things and enhanced my life in ways I can not describe. I started out as a poet and writer when I was a little little child until my ideas got to much for words alone and I started stealing my father’s guitar. He got fed up with this and eventually bought me my own!
I played music in many ways and in many bands, travelling and living the life of freewheelin’ bohemian rascal. I loved it, although my ego was a devillish monster whose insatiable appetite was hard to sate. I loved it, although I didn’t actually like myself most of the time. I loved it, except I always had to have MORE MORE MORE!
A few times I skirted around fame and fortunes door.
Then like a bolt out of the blue something miraculous yet so mundane changed my life and transformed me to the very core.
Blowing bubbles, singing songs, playing with teddington and litu-litu, making flapjacks, foraging in the woods, wiping away tears, laughing at the same joke again and again, facepainting, mask making, waking up far too early….
My “career” took a back seat for a few years while i focused on the intense yet rewarding process of being a mother. A few interesting things occured in the interim that I am bloody grateful for.
I stopped caring about fame and money. I started loving more. My heart opened up.
I started appreciating the simpler things in life like laughter, sleep and hugs.
I learned how to be honest with myself.
Patience. I became Mother Miyagi :-)
I love them so so much. They are the reason my gigs are rarer than the white wolf and why I have hardly put any music out over the past couple of years. Although they have inspried me a lot and I have never been so prolific and in tune with the muses in my head, one thing I have much less of is the TIME to execute, the time to be in the studio for ten hours everyday, the time to be on the road for weeks… but that time will come again one day. Until then, I can usually be found in the nearest woods hanging out with these two
My children challenge and bedazzle me at every turn yet they teach me so much and make every day a carnival. They smile at the right moments and forgive everything I do. They drive me mad, but they keep me sane. I think back to my aimless, hollow child free days and I shudder because life now is infused with magic passion and purpose. But bloody hell, I need some sleep!!!!! I think back to those leisurely lie-ins, those times when I could do whatever I wanted whenever (long weekend in Bruxelles? Yep why not!) and a part of me aches a bit. A glance at the bags under my eyes intensifies this ache.
I wonder how it is possible to love two being so strongly yet at times despair at yet another sacrifice….
I wrote a song about this conundrum a few years ago. It’s called “Ease”. I even got as far as recording it (at Gizzard studios with the fabulous Damian Immigration) but never mastered it so its not so radio friendly but still worth a listen after all this time methinks. Will post it soon.